Secret Ode of Wren

When i think about this question, so many thoughts come to mind of what “I” think the perfect woman is. Generally, it’s the attributes i believe i want to be and look for in myself. But is there such a things called the perfect woman? Is this really what men look for and women aspire to be? Is this idea the reason that we are never really satisfied with what or who we are? I go back to thinking about what instilled this idea in the first place. TV. That’s where it started. Prince Charming, Princess Aurora. The woman who stays at home, barefoot in the kitchen. All before the “independent woman”. We don’t know what to look for or what to be except for what we are shown as successful or desirable. Magazines, Movies, Art… we all have admiration to be the best at everything and desire people to envy us. But… what is a perfect woman? Someone who pleases? Who adheres to your every desire? Who wears the right makeup, beautiful skin, beautiful body, funny, smart, calm, sexy, intriguing, the true “Wonder Woman”. but is that what we really want? Can we live up to that? Can we compete with that? Would it REALLY be desirable to be with someone who has no flaws? Who can do no wrong? I think there is such a thing as “perfectly imperfect”. I learned to love my flaws and my mis-steps. my uniqueness. It’s what makes me up. No ONE woman can be the perfect Woman for every man. Because every man is looking for something different. So it all comes down to… are you the perfect woman for that one man? And that’s where you can argue the continuous conversation of soulmates. I think this idea of “perfect” is impossible. And we continue to feed into it which is unfair to us and unfair to our little girls who are looking to us for how to be a “woman”. What is a woman? What makes us special? We are so consumed with being the best that when cornered, we lash out by the only way we know possible… bringing other women down because that’s the only way we can show we are better than one another. It’s a world of competition and who did it better. If anything, i urge you to self reflect on how you view yourself? How do you represent yourself and who you are? How do you represent yourself to your partner? And for a man, step back and think about what you have. If you have a woman, how are you making her feel special and unique? And that for you she is the “perfect woman”. Don’t forget, women are strong creatures. Adaptable… resilient… can give life… can turn the world upside down if she wanted to…

While working from home seems like an “ideal” position to be in, some have experienced like myself, not a so “ideal” situation, especially when you need to use some sort of software to share your “unpolished” face with your organization. As much as i love having my kids ask me questions every 2 minutes and disregard my having a conversation with the someone on the phone, or standing in front of me between my computer that i’m clearly speaking into and my lap, i am feeling that pain of wanting to be in an office. Did i forget to mention having to be a parent, contributor and teacher? When the hell did i go to school for education? Well.. i didn’t. I’m pretty sure i’m on some registry that should not be in the position to teach children anything outside of my own personal experiences. When did 3rd grade teach Geometry? When was the last time i used Geometry? What IS Geometry??? Well, i’ve made it this far so hopefully i can make it another three months.

What is forgiveness? It’s a word that we know we should deliver in order to enable us to feel “free” or to provide ourselves some sort of relief from the action that resulted in us needing to forgive. By definition it means “the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven.”. Pretty lame if you ask me. So what does it really mean? Does it mean that you forget? or is it something that provides you temporary relief as if you have accomplished something huge. But when we impose this thing called forgiveness upon someone, will it hold? Will i still feel this way two weeks from now? 6 months from now? I can attest that many times i have provided forgiveness to someone that i deemed “worthy” of it. Sometimes it stuck and sometimes i realize down the road that i really wasn’t in a state of mind or heart to have provided it to them. I just wasn’t ready. So damn it..i want to take it back! So next time, i should be more careful. Careful… a word that coincides with “trust” can i trust myself to make such an important decision. Such a life altering decision. If i take it back, will i look like a lunatic? unstable? yes. So i have to accept this decision i have made so quickly just as i do in almost all my decisions and figure out how to move on and move forward. Forgiveness is such a funny thing. We don’t stop and think about what it means to me. Not what it means to other people. You need to know yourself and understand this definition in your own list of words you say. I know that when i forgive… i do not forget. And that is dangerous for some people. Depending on the “crime” that was committed. Can you ever truly forgive? Does that mean you’re let off the hook? or just for that specific “crime”. I say crime because for me, anything that is done against me is a crime. At this point in my life, so many shit things have happened to me that at this point, it’s like taking a bullet to the heart each time someone wrongs me. I have to make a mental list of categories. List 1 things that are serious enough to require “forgiveness” List 2.. everything else. So i leave you with the thought that perhaps think about what forgiveness means to you and what that means to your life. Will this decision change anything to your life or to that persons’ life alone?

I call it “Parents Day” because there really shouldn’t be a day specific to just a mom or a dad. Especially when in 2020, the majority of homes and families are broken. Separated. Mom’s out there serving the position of both mom and dad, and Dad’s out there doing the same in the absence of the “maternal” desire to be out there “on her own”. So i say Happy Parent’s Day for those who are doing it on their own, trying to take a day to just reflect on their accomplishments they’ve made as a parent since we all know it’s far and in between when we can actually feel like we’ve “accomplished” something as a parent and feel satisfied with the result.
For me, i have a Mother who raised 4 kids on her own, is strong, beautiful and selfless. All of these wonderful words that do still hold true regardless of her so called “failures” as a parent. She did the best she could and the younger me, couldn’t understand the difference between success and failure. Everything was “failure” to me when things didn’t go my way. Now as a parent, i understand. There shouldn’t be a solid line or difference between the two. If our kids make it to the next day, it’s a success. Sometimes this is what we have to strive for. We all endure struggles and bumps in the road in this journey called “parenting”. So i leave with… enjoy this day to the fullest that you can since you can’t really take a “day off” from parenting. Happy Parents Day.

Going through puberty is one thing….. watching your child go through puberty is another. It’s always a challenge to figure out if “are they faking this stomach pain?” “Am i giving in too easily?” There’s not a rule book to follow or instructions when it comes to parenting. Sometimes it’s the flip of a coin… 50/50 chance you’re gambling that you are right and doing the right thing. Of course Girls and Boys are different when it comes to puberty. I have the pleasure of watching both. My son shows it with his mood in small waves. My daughter shows it through drama…exaggeration…moodiness… sassy…bitchy.. etc.. etc.. No wonder they write books called “women from mars.. men from venus”. As much as we women want to think men are the “outsiders” or “alien to us” we’re alien to them. With all the greatness women bring, baggage follows. This is what makes us so special. My daughter doesn’t want me to bother her and she wants her “alone time” but yet i’m not allowed to leave the house without her and i’m on a time clock for when i return back home. Return to what you ask? return to moodiness. I know how difficult it is on my daughter going through this change. Not knowing what is coming, or what to expect. Not really at the mental capacity to truly appreciate and understand what this means. “Puberty”. It’s a medical term. I would call it “Game on World”. The first step towards vulnerability and responsibility for your own body. Awareness of your true self and the journey into learning who you are and what you want. A journey that will continue for the rest of her life. She will question and continue to look for improvements in her life. The rush of things i think i need to prepare her for but yet do not want to overwhelm her. As a Mother or Father raising a prepubescent young girl is a challenge. Knowing the amount of information that is needed is a challenge within the challenge. And so here it begins the next chapter of parenthood. You must remember, our responsibility as parents is to prepare these little people how to be human. How to be a contributing member of society. A decent person. A truthful person. A survivor. We would all love to live in a fairy tale and keep them believing in fairy tales, but life will come hitting hard soon and we as parents need to prepare them on how to stand on their own and be the best person they can be. Sometimes we are the first ones they go to when they are going through this “event”. In my case, it was Judy Bloom. She pretty much got me through most of my teenage years. 2020 is another thing and perhaps not as applicable. This can be argued. So i decided to focus on Today. Just tell her she is not alone in this and no matter what i love her. Because of that love, i will always only guide her with the best interest in mind. Tomorrow is another day that is not in our control. But today is within our control. So Let’s figure out how to work through this Today and Tomorrow we will face it together.