Forgiveness

What is forgiveness? It’s a word that we know we should deliver in order to enable us to feel “free” or to provide ourselves some sort of relief from the action that resulted in us needing to forgive. By definition it means “the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven.”. Pretty lame if you ask me. So what does it really mean? Does it mean that you forget? or is it something that provides you temporary relief as if you have accomplished something huge. But when we impose this thing called forgiveness upon someone, will it hold? Will i still feel this way two weeks from now? 6 months from now? I can attest that many times i have provided forgiveness to someone that i deemed “worthy” of it. Sometimes it stuck and sometimes i realize down the road that i really wasn’t in a state of mind or heart to have provided it to them. I just wasn’t ready. So damn it..i want to take it back! So next time, i should be more careful. Careful… a word that coincides with “trust” can i trust myself to make such an important decision. Such a life altering decision. If i take it back, will i look like a lunatic? unstable? yes. So i have to accept this decision i have made so quickly just as i do in almost all my decisions and figure out how to move on and move forward. Forgiveness is such a funny thing. We don’t stop and think about what it means to me. Not what it means to other people. You need to know yourself and understand this definition in your own list of words you say. I know that when i forgive… i do not forget. And that is dangerous for some people. Depending on the “crime” that was committed. Can you ever truly forgive? Does that mean you’re let off the hook? or just for that specific “crime”. I say crime because for me, anything that is done against me is a crime. At this point in my life, so many shit things have happened to me that at this point, it’s like taking a bullet to the heart each time someone wrongs me. I have to make a mental list of categories. List 1 things that are serious enough to require “forgiveness” List 2.. everything else. So i leave you with the thought that perhaps think about what forgiveness means to you and what that means to your life. Will this decision change anything to your life or to that persons’ life alone?